Dear Julia:

For the past two months, I've experienced OCD-related obsessive thoughts. In my case, these are an intrusion of negative and personally undesirable possibilities about concepts I normally don't think too much about, such as life and spirituality. I'm usually an open-minded person who believes there is much more to life and the world than science can explain, but I don't have any strong views. Lately, however, I have been obsessively thinking about spiritual things and doubting their validity. When this happens, I usually look up examples of out of body experiences and psychic powers - things that prove to me the existence of the mystical - but even then my mind will find a way to put a negative spin on it. For example, my mind may suggest seemingly ridiculous possibilities like this world being nothing more than a simulation, which I will then dwell on. I am now unable to accept the existence of a spiritual world altogether. I have no idea what to do. I know in my heart that I believe in these things and it's just my condition forcing me to dwell on negative possibilities, but I also know that the only way I'll be happy is by being confident in them again. If you could help me in any way at all I would be very grateful. Thank you.

Harry

Dear Harry:

Personally, I think it's good and natural to continually question what is real and true. I have had many amazing evidential spiritual experiences in my life, but even I go through periods when I ask myself if I'm deluded, if I could have been hallucinating, if it's possible that my spiritual beliefs are nothing more than fantasies. I think this sort of questioning is a sign of intelligence and sanity.

When going through periods of doubt due to little or no paranormal activity, I often review some of the more mind-blowing spiritual experiences I've had to remind myself that my beliefs about destiny, the existence of a higher plan, life after death, spirits and similar subjects are well-founded. Some of the experiences I review include times when I brought through information from spirits that was confirmed as evidential by whomever I was conveying it to. I also remember the times I had personal contact with a loved one in Spirit, especially times that they made undeniable things happen, such as when my first love shifted my car from drive into park. I remember times when I knew upon meeting someone that we would have a long and important future together, and that feeling proved prophetic. I remember my first out of body experiences and how subsequent research validated many aspects of them that I had no knowledge of beforehand. I also recall a number of experiences so strange and wonderful that the only way to describe them would be to relay every detail, which I don't have room for here.

I'm kind of like an astronaut who has been to the Moon, who still wonders if space travel is really possible and if I really experienced it or if it was all a dream. Of course, it would be easy for me to believe this was true if I had indeed done it, for nearly everyone believes that humankind has visited the Moon. Perhaps a better analogy is to imagine that the whole Moon trip was kept top secret, and that to even suggest such an idea makes people raise their eyebrows and make crazy circles with their fingers next to their heads.

Let's carry this metaphor forward and say that you are someone who hasn't personally been to the Moon, but you've heard some rumors about people who have done it. In fact, you often Google the subject and read books by people who say they have journeyed into space. Since you are filled with a sense of wonder and possibility at the idea of space travel, you really want to believe in what you're reading, even though most people around you would say that the whole notion is utterly ridiculous. You meet a few individuals who whisper to you that they believe too - perhaps they had an Uncle who worked for NASA who confirmed the rumors, or they once saw something that looked like a rocket shooting away from Earth. These rare conversations encourage you, but then the doubts creep back in because you just don't KNOW.

Since these questions are occupying your thoughts day and night, your spiritual beliefs are clearly very important to you right now. I therefore feel you owe it to yourself to find out what is what. If this were about space travel, I'd suggest you become an astronaut or find a way to get directly involved in space research and exploration. Since we're talking about metaphysical phenomena, I think the answer is for you to start doing some research and exploration of your own by pursuing whatever calls to you. Maybe you'll devote yourself to having an out of body experience, explore spirit communication through EVP work, or dive into developing your own psychic abilities. The important thing is to follow up on your own passions and interests. I feel your soul is calling for you to move in this direction so you can make new discoveries, build greater faith, and shift into a higher level of spiritual experience.

This is where the obsessive wondering is coming from: your soul is reaching for a higher level of faith and experience, so it is pulling you back to these key questions and issues. Reading can give us some ideas to ponder, but it can't and shouldn't determine what we actively believe in, so instead of just Googling spiritual phenomena, I recommend you pursue some amazing experiences of your own. That way, you'll discover what is real and possible for yourself, and build solid beliefs about what is true for you.

As you pursue your own paranormal experiences, you may find the following former columns of interest: Are Some People Incapable of Having Paranormal Experiences? and Why Doesn't Doc Have Paranormal Experiences Too? Please also remember that you have only to sincerely ask Spirit to bless you with amazing faith-building experiences to open your personal reality to all sorts of magic and wonder.

As for why you tend to strongly doubt the possibilities you so want to believe in, it may be that there is some past or past life issue coming into play. For example, if you were tortured for your faith in a past life (which sadly happened all too often), there may be part of you that wants no part of being a "believer" this time around.

Also, there are many people who believe that there are negative forces in the Universe that want to keep us from the power of faith by filling us with doubt. Some even suggest that our shift from faith and intuition to logic and reason has in part been driven by forces that want us to lose touch with the Divine. I don't know about all of that, but whenever negative obsessive thoughts come up, I think it's wise to at least consider the potential role of metaphysical influences.

As these are just a couple of the endless possible reasons why you are so driven to doubt, I think your best bet is to find a caring, skilled hypnotherapist to explore these issues with. By bypassing your conscious mind to directly dialogue with your subconscious and higher self, you can quickly determine what is really troubling you as well as the best way to move forward to new peace and understanding.

- Julia

For the latest column, check out this week's edition of Kajama.

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