Dear Julia:

Greetings spiritual healer! Are the souls of suicide victims punished for having to end their suffering by taking their own lives?
Lawrence

Dear Lawrence:

You ask an important, controversial question (and you phrase it in an interesting way). My answer is based on the integration of everything I've read on the subject with an emphasis on information gained via spirit communication, life between life regression research and accounts of near death experiences.

Asking if suicide victims are punished for ending their own lives is a bit like asking if people who drop out of high school without getting their diploma suffer as a result of their choice. Some struggle for years, while others hit the ground running and go on to build wonderful futures for themselves. On the whole, dropping out is not seen to be the wisest move, but the results rest upon the reason for the change in plan as well as the personal nature and future choices of the individual in question.

The reason someone takes his own life is of paramount importance. Basically, if suicide is driven by some form of fear, then as with all other decisions, the results will tend to prove regrettable. If it is somehow driven by love, then good will somehow follow. If the reason behind suicide is a desire to escape or avoid something, the spirit will arrive on the other side and realize that this was a grave mistake, for instead of solving problems, suicide tends to compound them.

It is fascinating to study the accounts of people who are regressed to remember past lives in which they killed themselves. When they are guided to the period just after they crossed over, nearly all of them report that there was a general sense of disappointment in the spirit world because they had given up without completing their life mission or purpose. Life in the physical is a great gift, so when we throw that gift away, it's felt to be a tremendous waste.

Usually, people who committed suicide in past lives because they were depressed or couldn't figure out how to extricate themselves from life's challenges express clear regret for killing themselves, for they immediately realize that they'll have to start all over - they didn't truly manage to escape any of the problems they felt to be so overwhelming. They also often report that while they couldn't see any other acceptable alternatives to killing themselves when living, once in the spirit world, they saw many more options, and realized that they had been blind to all but their own misery.

Once we're on the other side, we review our life choices with an emphasis on how our behavior impacted others. When we devastate loved ones by taking our own life, we experience their pain, at which point the choice of suicide is felt to be deeply regrettable. Even when survivors' pain is not foreseen, we are still responsible for how we affect others, and most people are deeply traumatized when a loved one commits suicide - in fact, it can be the most devastating thing a person ever has to deal with.

On the other hand, some people kill themselves for honorable reasons. When someone takes a bullet of some sort to save someone else, there is no regret. Instead, this person's selflessness usually makes them a hero both here and on the other side. Similarly, someone who has a terrible terminal illness who wishes to spare himself and his loved ones further emotional pain, financial hardship, and suffering due to a long, drawn out death is acting with noble intentions.

This also goes for people who believe they are losing their minds or slipping into dementia who want to spare themselves and their loved ones all the heartbreak and difficulties of profound mental illness. We can't judge whether this is the right decision for everyone, but when one's intentions are selfless, it's my understanding that that there are no negative consequences.

The emotional and psychological state we are in when we die is of great importance, since when we leave this world, we take our inner selves with us. Thus people who had healthy bodies but couldn't emotionally handle life's challenges will find themselves in even worse shape on the other side. By contrast, people who were plagued by cancer, AIDS, or other terminal problems who remained strong on the inside will feel a sense of freedom and renewal once they leave their troubled physical bodies behind.

There are times when death is the most compassionate choice. Ironically, pets are often treated in a more humane manner than terminally ill people. There is nothing morally sound about employing fancy life support technology to prolong a life riddled with pain and misery that would otherwise have naturally ended some time ago.

It's important to note that the negative conditions one may experience in the wake of suicide are not imposed by some external judge; instead, they are natural corollaries to one's inner state of being. Once on the other side, people who are drowning in their own negativity tend to have a hard time perceiving the beings of love and light who are available to help them heal and move to a higher level. (If people were too depressed to avail themselves of all the help available to them when they were living, it's not likely that they will suddenly see the light after they die.)

At some point both here and beyond, we have to wake up to the realization that we create our own realities, and to consciously use that power, we must gain control of our thoughts instead of passively waiting for things to get better or endlessly lamenting our fate.

One of the biggest stumbling blocks for suicides is forgiving themselves for giving up and for causing pain to friends and family. In fact, the spirits of some suicides will endlessly hover around the living, seeking to make things right or be forgiven.

Our prayers are therefore very important. If we communicate to those who have killed themselves that we forgive them, and we go on to make our own peace with their deaths, they will know that we are okay and they'll feel encouraged to forgive themselves as well. We are also wise to visualize them bathed in divine healing light, to pray for angels and other helpers to go to their aid, and to wish them great good in the afterlife.

Everyone goes through sorrows and trials. Some do indeed seem to be blessed with easier lives, but for the most part, these happy conditions were earned by hanging in there in past lives when times got tough and utilizing wisdom in this life to create what is wanted. We are all born with lessons to learn and tasks to fulfill, so to commit suicide is to shirk our most sacred responsibility. We can either succumb to feeling disempowered, bitter, angry or depressed, or we can open our hearts to higher understanding and healing, and try to be of service to others who are suffering. Indeed, this last suggestion is perhaps the most powerful, for when we endlessly feel sorry for ourselves, we just get stuck deeper and deeper in misery. By contrast, when we look beyond our own feelings and desires and begin to try to uplift others, we naturally shed the heaviness in our hearts and begin to make tremendous spiritual progress.

- Julia