Dear Julia:

My boyfriend is psychic, and he constantly uses his abilities on me. Is this fair? Does he have the right to use his abilities whenever he chooses to do so? He reads my aura and sees mental pictures of what I do when we're not together. We have arguments sometimes when he psychically sees me talking to a guy and asks me to explain myself. He says that if I wasn't hiding anything, those pictures wouldn't come to him. Often I'm completely lost and don't know what he's talking about. Now I'm wondering if it's a bad idea to date a psychic in the first place. I love him but this is really stressful. I don't want to argue over nothing, or for him to get agitated about every picture he picks up from me. I hope to find a solution so we can make this relationship work out. Can you give me any advice? - Cynthia

Dear Cynthia:

I think it's fair for him to use his abilities on you. In fact, it's wise for all of us to use our psychic senses all the time. At least a couple of times every day, my psychic antennae go off and I find myself tuning in to a family member to try to figure out what's really going on with them. (My kids have long lamented that it's impossible to hide anything from me.)

Our psychic abilities are hard-wired to our survival instincts, and on an ego level, we're always ready to defend our interests. For the sake of clarity, I'd like to differentiate between instincts and intuitions. Let's label the psychic feelings that are designed to protect our personal interests instincts, and label the psychic perceptions that come from our higher selves intuitions.

Everyone has instincts. As we develop spiritually, our instincts become more conscious and refined, and we may sense things like when a partner is cheating on us or perhaps just thinking about it. As we evolve spiritually, we learn how to use what we pick up instinctively in a wise, constructive, healing and loving way. It sounds to me like your boyfriend is perhaps psychic, but he's coming from a place of fear, not love.

It's possible that your boyfriend is insecure about your feelings for him, and he's projecting his fears onto you or misinterpreting his psychic perceptions. Further, in my experience, people who are trustworthy tend to be very trusting, so if you are truly innocent of whatever he's suggesting, then maybe his fears stem from his own shadow side and some worrisome feelings he may have of being attracted to other people himself.

I have to be honest with you, however, and tell you that I also sense that you perhaps check out or flirt with other guys now and then, and you're feeling unnerved that he's picking up on it. Your behavior is entirely normal and natural, of course, especially when your boyfriend is driving you crazy on a regular basis! It's also where both being psychic and loving a psychic can get very complicated.

It's also possible that you're not consciously aware of some of the energies in your aura. You could talk to someone and think the conversation was perfectly platonic, when on an unconscious level, you were attracted to that person and exchanging a mild sexual vibe. It's also possible that the person you were talking to was feeling attraction while you were not, and that's why these images are showing up in your aura.

On the other hand, most people lie in relationships all the time because they can get away with it. (One of the most startling realizations I had when I awakened psychically was how often everyone is in some way dishonest.) Most people lie to each other in myriad ways every day: They say they're fine when they're not, they claim they're not mad when they are, they omit certain details when talking about what they did that day in order to stay out of trouble, they put a certain spin on things to make themselves look good, they deny they are attracted to anyone but their partners, etc.

Let's assume for now that your boyfriend is picking up on something real, but it's nothing you're consciously aware of. That would explain why he's sure of himself and you're feeling persecuted. This sort of dynamic happens all the time in relationships between people who are psychically sensitive and people who are unaware of what's going on within them on a subconscious level, for it can be very tricky to determine when someone is consciously lying versus when someone's ego is making them believe something that isn't wholly true.

We all have issues we're in denial about - even gifted psychics. We all want to view ourselves as a certain sort of person, so we ignore or repress thoughts and feelings that don't fit with that ideal. Psychic ability, of course, often penetrates those illusions to get to the heart of what is really going on. If someone doesn't want to be personally and spiritually challenged to face their issues and get honest with themselves and others, then dating a psychic is probably not for them.

My advice to you is to search your heart and soul and the true nature of your relationship. Honestly ask yourself if your boyfriend's perceptions have any basis on any level of reality: physical, emotional, mental or spiritual. If you can find nothing within you that he may be picking up on, then you have to stand firm in your truth and try to talk to him about his trust issues and what you need in order to be happy in your relationship.

If I were advising him, I would tell him to also search his heart and soul and ask himself where these fears are coming from in order to make sure that he's getting a clear, true reading. He must be open to the possibility that he has some personal issues that are distorting his psychic vision. If he determines that he's picking up on something real, but you're either unable to be fully honest about it or are not consciously aware of what's happening on an energetic level, it's foolish for him to keep badgering you about it. Then he must simply trust what he picks up without needing you to verbally confirm it, and decide if he can be happy in a relationship with someone who can't match him in terms of either honesty or self-awareness. He also has to make peace with the fact that what he's struggling against is very common in relationships because most people can and do hide a good deal from others.

Finally, you must decide if you want to take the bad with the good by loving a psychic. You won't be able to get away with much by hiding your thoughts and feelings, much less your actions. You may be pushed to face your issues at a faster pace than is really comfortable for you. Your lover will tend to be hyper sensitive about everything and emotionally demanding as a result. On the flip side, all of this can foster tremendous spiritual growth and a deeper, more meaningful and rewarding relationship than you might have with an ordinary guy.

Good luck with that decision!

- Julia