Dear Julia:

I was born January 20, 1980. I recently loss my fiancé, Khen (born January 23, 1979) to brain cancer. I want so badly to know if he can still love me from the other side. Can we still go on loving each other the same way we did while he was here? We have a very strong love. His love is the only one I have now, and I am holding on to it. Does he hear me each time I speak to him? I feel him somehow because he caresses me at night before I sleep, and I feel this same sensation when I wake up in the morning. I do want us to go on loving until I get home to be with him. Can he continue to make his presence known to me until I can be reunited with him? I want to be more sensitive to him, so each time I acknowledge his presence and thank him for being with me. He promised before he died that he will never leave me. Could this be possible?

San

Dear San:

I understand and respect your desire to keep your fiancé close. Before I dive into this subject, I should note that many wise people would tell you that you must make peace with this death and let your fiancé move on in the afterlife. It's also wise to respect and accept nature and spiritual law, and to always work with the divine and trust your intuition when dealing with beings in other dimensions such as the afterlife. However, you're not asking if you should maintain an ongoing relationship with someone who has died, but if it's possible, so that's what I'm going to focus on here.

The first thing to keep in mind is that no one dies! Just as we moved from one realm into this one when we were born, we move from this realm to another dimension when we leave this life. Your fiancé is alive and well in another dimension. So the real question is if two people can maintain a fulfilling relationship when they dwell in different dimensions, and the answer is absolutely!

I recently saw a film entitled The Time Traveler's Wife. In the movie, the protagonist has the unusual affliction of time traveling whenever he is under stress, which poses all sorts of interesting challenges for him and his love. I bring it up here because it reminded me of how many people are living extraordinary, magical sorts of lives, but for various reasons, keeping those special circumstances to themselves.

You will be happy to know that there are many people who have already managed to have an ongoing relationship with someone who has died. Since it is questions that get published in this column, our readers don't get to see the many stories and emails I receive in which people describe the wonderful signs, messages, and ongoing interactions they have been blessed to experience with someone who now abides in the so-called afterlife.

Over the years, I've heard from many people about how their loved ones in Spirit continue to come to them on a regular, even daily basis. Time after time I have heard of someone losing a partner and afterward receiving regular visitations. Usually, these visits don't involve visual or auditory phenomena. Instead, the grieving simply sense the presence of their loved one in Spirit and perhaps feel someone touching them, holding them, or stroking their hair. Sometimes these touches are subtle, but at other times they feel as real as if a physical person were involved.

Many have also found ways to telepathically dialogue with loved ones now in Spirit. They regularly talk over their worries and ask for their loved one's advice. Some are able to fall asleep basking in their mate's aura each night, and even make love to their partners in the astral.

This is going to sound incredible, but I've even heard from a number of people who have regular telephone conversations with someone who lives in another dimension. One woman wrote to me that her mother spoke with her departed husband on the phone every day at the same time! Others are receiving text messages on their cell phones, images on their televisions, and even emails from heaven. Since these same feats have been achieved by EVP and ITC researchers, it doesn't surprise me that ordinary people are having similar experiences. Love is the most powerful motivator and fuel for inter-dimensional communication, so it makes sense that individuals would have greater experiences than those achieved in research situations.

There are also lots of people who have astral lovers, and if you search the internet for this subject alone, I imagine you'll learn a great deal on how to achieve your aim. Many times these astral lovers are people who died and are now in another dimension. Sometimes they are people who were known and loved in a number of past lives but not this one, for when opening up to astral love, we naturally attract souls with whom we already have affectionate bonds.

My main recommendation is thus to study astral projection and work on mastering the ability to travel in other worlds. There are some pioneers who have undertaken this goal in order to find someone who died in the dimension we call the afterlife. For more information on this research, check out books by Bruce Moen, such as Voyages into the Unknown. While I'm recommending books to help you, I've also heard good things about Love from Both Sides: A True Story of Soul Survival and Sacred Sexuality by Stephanie Risely, which is about the author's contact with her husband after he died.

There is also something called "induced spirit communication" in which a hypnotherapist guides you into a special altered state of consciousness and then leads you to connect with loved ones in Spirit. I've done something like this myself many times, and it is the most powerful healer of grief I've ever experienced. I'm currently developing a process involving exercises and deep trance recordings designed to enable anyone to work with this method; I hope to have it finished in about six months. In the mean time, you might try to find a hypnotherapist who is trained in this technique. For more information on this approach, check out the book Induced After Death Communications: A New Therapy for Healing Grief And Trauma by Allan Botkin, Psy.D.

Please do remember that we are not in total control in these matters. The motivation and the abilities of both parties will greatly determine the success of inter-dimensional communication efforts. The reason it's not common to hear stories from people who have maintained a vibrant, fulfilling relationship with someone who has died is in part because it is rare to find one - let alone two - people who have all the psychic strengths and sensitivities necessary to achieve inter-dimensional communication.

Of course, by working with the Law of Attraction, you can manifest all sorts of amazing spiritual experiences, including contact with loved ones who have left this world. Instead of focusing on how your loved one is no longer here, you might begin by focusing on all the signs you are receiving and ask for more and greater experiences. Just yesterday I prayed for a sign from my departed father, whom I haven't heard from in a while. In the middle of the night last night, I was awakened by the phantom doorbell phenomenon I associate with visits from him; basically, I'm awakened by the sound of the doorbell but know that the doorbell didn't really ring, and then I sense his presence. This was even more vivid and gratifying than the dream visit I was expecting in response to my prayer.

- Julia

For the latest column, check out this week's edition of Kajama.

MuseNet Home Page

MuseNet Readings Information Page

MuseNet Library

email me