Dear Julia:

I have been a practicing medium for some 25 years, but lately, I'm starting to doubt myself. I find myself questioning if the messages I receive are really from Spirit, or if I am making this stuff up! This is really shaking my whole sense of faith and identity. Any advice?
- Jim

Dear Jim:

I commend you for your honesty, both with yourself and with me. I think your doubts are entirely normal, healthy and wise. They signify that you are still awake and questioning, and are not caught up in blind assumptions or ego issues. It's when we STOP having doubts and stop questioning that we are easily led astray, and may never even realize it.

Even after some fifteen years as a successful medium, I still struggle with self-doubt, just like you. When I view psychic phenomena and spirit communication via a mainstream lens, I start to worry that I'm living in my own little delusional reality. When, however, I view such matters through the lens of my countless verified personal experiences, I know them to be true and very real.

I'm sure that like me, you've had some undeniable, mind-blowing spiritual experiences. The wilder such experiences are, the harder it is to incorporate them into our general belief system. I've had some experiences that were so profound that even many years later, I still have to really sink back into them to remember that they truly happened - that they were really real. Many of these could not be subjective, because they involved other people in some way, either as participants who perceived just what I did, or as recipients of messages from spirits that contained evidential details that I could not have known by "ordinary" means. Even when we're the only ones to have a spiritual experience, however, I think it's sane and healthy to trust our perceptions, especially if we're mentally competent in all other areas of our lives.

Now, this doesn't mean that every medium who questions himself or herself has nothing to worry about. In fact, I've noticed that over time, the power and quality of most mediums' work does diminish. Usually this happens because they stop trying as hard, or because they get more "careful." Once we have a "reputation" for being "good," it's natural to want to protect it. This ego-based desire leads us to get more and more general in our readings, or to stop taking risks. As a medium yourself, I'm sure you know that it's usually those messages that seem the most strange or unlikely that prove the most evidential, so we have to keep risking being wrong in order to be powerfully on the mark.

Also, after many years of spiritual work, we may just get bored or burned out. It's probably hard for a lot of people to imagine, but anything can lose its luster if we do it long enough. If you're just going through the motions, then one of two things are possible. You may indeed be just "making it up." It's more likely, however, that channeling Spirit has become as normal for you as thinking your own thoughts. After twenty-five years, I imagine that what was once magical and miraculous has come to feel pretty routine.

To sort out the meaning behind all this questioning, just look at your results. I always ask for feedback on my readings from my clients, for it keeps me honest with myself and accountable. I don't care how long a reader has been in the business, they're never infallible. I've actually seen mediums who began their careers feeling delighted and amazed when they were "right" evolve into pompous know-it-alls who get offended and tell clients that THEY are wrong when they question their work.

You might also ponder if you're putting too much pressure on yourself. This is one of my greatest challenges, and in a way, it's ironic. If I have a great streak of really powerful readings, I may start to expect every reading to be newsworthy. When I then can't connect with a particular spirit for someone, I tend to feel like I am failing them and start to doubt my gifts.

This issue is something I must work on all the time. I want to be able to help everyone who comes to me, and to be able to contact every spirit sought. I want to have all the answers to every question, and to work miracles without fail. When I can't do that, I sometimes feel like a "fake" - but as you've probably realized, these expectations are totally unreasonable. I am not "God" or in any way "god-like" - even when I'm channeling accurate, evidential information from Spirit. If we need to be perfect miracle-workers, we may disempower ourselves from doing all that we CAN do.

Here's how I work through my own self-doubts as a medium:

*I remember all the undeniable experiences of spirit communication I've had in the past, and all the people (and spirits) I have been able to help.

*I remember all the amazing spiritual experiences I've had myself, which underscores my faith in the validity of the so-called "paranormal."

*I keep practicing. If I start doubting myself or enter a "lull" with spirit communication, I kick up my yoga and meditation practice, and I start studying spiritual books or working with spiritual exercises again. I recenter my daily life around my spiritual work.

*One of the most reassuring things I do is ask for signs from Spirit that I am on the right track and not living in a "dream world" (whatever that is). For example, I may ask for signs and then receive a slew of emails from former clients, telling me how readings from years ago proved helpful and true. Or I may ask for some sort of specific sign like references to valid experiences of spirit communication, and then have someone mention such an experience to me, come across an article about this in the newspaper, and receive a book in the mail about spirit communication from a publicist who wants to promote the book via Kajama. (I have an agreement with Spirit that all signs will come in sets of three.)

When you start to doubt the validity of your mediumship experiences, try working with these ideas. If you ask for signs and you get them, then you must trust Spirit and your own direct experiences. As for your work, if your clients are grateful and fulfilled, then you're probably on the right track. If, however, you realize that the power and quality of your work has indeed waned, then you must either get back on track or move on.

By the way, it is totally natural and acceptable to no longer be "turned on" by working as a medium. Such abilities and experiences are not the ultimate in terms of spiritual evolution. At some point, we naturally move through and beyond this sort of focus. Then we may feel called to share what we've learned by teaching others, or perhaps focus more on our own personal spiritual growth.

Beyond the call to serve Spirit by helping others lies the path of renunciation, wherein we rise above fear and desire. When we get to this point, we tend to view the concerns that lead people to seek spiritual guidance as temporal and ultimately unimportant, which makes it hard to care enough to do really healing work. Further, psychic abilities don't thrill us one bit at this point because they're old hat. To remain fully engaged in their work, mediums must resist moving into this vibrational realm. If you've spent 25 years helping others with your spiritual abilities and you're just not that into it anymore, please know that you are free to follow your bliss into new realms of spiritual experience.

- Julia