Dear Julia:

I work in the Emergency Department at the hospital. Last week a friend of mine was admitted with severe pneumonia. He was normally healthy and we expected him to recover with treatment, but as I sat beside him holding his hand, he suddenly died. I started CPR on him and told him to come back, but nothing we did revived him. I called his wife and waited at the hospital for her. Since then, he has been very strongly on my mind. I felt compelled to call his wife the next day and again first thing this morning. I asked her what she had to do today and I told her that I needed to help her move something to her new home. She said that my friend had been worried about that item before he passed. I now feel compelled to continue to call her, and feel like I need to get a few things done that he wanted done. I may be crazy, but I think he is trying to communicate with his wife through me. Am I going crazy from stress, or do things like this really happen? I told her that I would bring the item to her house and bring him too. I hope it works because I'm having trouble sleeping. I'd like to feel better about this and wonder if there is any way to validate that he is behind these compulsions.
-Roslyn

Dear Roslyn:

I want to thank you for sharing this experience, for it clearly illustrates a common way that many people experience spirit communication for the first time.

Here's what I believe happened: You are psychically sensitive, which means that you have thin psychic "skin" and are more open to spirit contact than the average person. Since you didn't know this, however, you were vulnerable to spirit attachment when your friend died. This sort of attachment is especially common when someone is newly psychic or psychic but unaware of it.

I've written about this dynamic before: for lots of related advice, please search our archives for columns using the search word "departed" and then the word "spirit." (The search box is in the top right corner of Kajama. Use the drop down menu to select "Weekly Columns" and then put your search word in the next box to the right.)

When spirits first cross over, they often latch on to someone who is spatially nearby or someone they were close to when living. You were both a friend to this man and also very psychically sensitive, so I'm betting that he attached to your aura and has been trying to fulfill some last wishes or desires through you.

Since his death was so unexpected and sudden, odds are good that he doesn't even realize he has died. Since he has attached to your aura, he is trying to live through you. This explains why you've had strange impulses to do things he used to do, or to do things he wants to do now.

For example, if he was very worried about that object getting moved into the new house, he could be leading you to take care of this matter. This can happen unconsciously; it doesn't mean he is trying to take over your life or make you do something against your will. If he doesn't even realize he's dead, he's just doing his best to make things happen in the strange state he finds himself in now.

If he's attached to your aura and very focused on this, it's sort of like he's sitting next to you in the passenger seat of your car. You may be thinking about going one way, but whenever you let your mind wander and relax your grip on the wheel, he reaches over and pulls the car to go where he wants to go.

Please know that you have ultimate control here because your body is YOUR vehicle. To exercise this control, however, you must remain conscious of where you want to go. Naturally, it does help to know if there is some other entity trying to steer you in a different direction.

I think it's great that you can help your friend tie up any loose ends at the end of this last life, and with that in mind, I applaud you for talking to his wife about all you've been going through. I recommend you do get together with her as planned, and open up to him and all he may have to say. Doing this at his house is a wonderful idea.

To encourage the most powerful results, I recommend you set aside time when you two won't be distracted or disturbed. Surround yourself with some of his favorite objects, such as that item he was concerned about and anything else he really treasured. Put on his favorite music and place a picture of him on a table between you. Then just talk about him with lots of love: Remember the best memories you have of him and all his wonderful qualities.

As you do this, open your heart, mind and spirit to him, and just trust whatever comes to you. Speak the words, feelings and images that come to your mind. Ask him questions and trust what you get in response.

I believe if you do this with his wife, you will have a cathartic healing experience. You may both even be drenched with tears as his sweet love for her comes through you. You can then guide him in realizing that he's left his physical body behind, and encourage him to move on to a new beginning in the afterlife.

Now that you know how psychically sensitive you are, you'll have to develop more awareness of what's happening within and around you on a subtle level. There is a big difference between being a medium who allows spirits to communicate through you and unknowingly having a spirit attached to your aura. A medium remains in control of her own body, mind and other resources, where someone with a spirit attachment can be unknowingly influenced by spirits' desires.

Since you are psychically sensitive and you work in the ER, odds are good that something like this will happen to you again. You see, psychic mediums are treasured both here and in the spirit world. It's like we're lighthouses in the darkness: both living people and spirits are naturally drawn to us both because they are lost and don't know where to go, and because they want us to communicate with their loved ones on the other side of the veil.

It can be so frustrating for both spirits and the grieving to long to connect but not be able to make that happen. As a result, spirits can be very persistent: if they know or even hope that you can hear them, they will hang around and pester you until you deliver their messages.

In the future if you should feel like a spirit is pushing you to contact their loved ones or do something for them, I encourage you to again find the faith and strength to honor those nudges. I know it's scary to ponder what people might say and do in such situations. In fact, it's reasonable to worry that they'll think you're crazy or that you may upset them even more. However, I've learned via lots of experience that taking those risks is totally worth it, for the most wonderful healing blossoms when we trust our psychic perceptions and deliver the messages that come to us from Spirit.

- Julia