Dear Julia:

Ever since I was very young, I've known that I am different. I felt much "older" than my peers all throughout school. I just turned 21 and I think like a 45-year-old. Through Kirlian photography, I was told I have a pure violet aura. Everyday life was a challenge for me in high school, and I was constantly beating myself up because I wished I was as outgoing and down to earth as my few friends were. There were days when I felt so disconnected to everyone around me, including my family, that I wished I wasn't alive. While I've made some great progress over the last year, I'm still trying hard to rid myself of the deep negative energies that once enslaved me. Could you recommend some online communities where I might meet like-minded individuals who have walked a path similar to mine? Also, are there any schools where I may further my intuitive gifts? Please give me some advice on developing the abilities associated with such a profound color.

Shea

Dear Shea:

It's easy to see how people are stuck in ego when they feel like they're better than everyone else. Though it's harder to see, when people feel like they're different or somehow inferior to everyone else, they're also stuck in ego. It's ego that makes us compare ourselves to other people; ego that tells us that we <q>should</q> be more outgoing or down to earth; ego that tells us that something is wrong with us that we don't feel like we think we "should" feel. It's ego that is forever worried about how we feel in general.

To get beyond ego, we have to stop being endlessly self-absorbed with our ever-changing emotions, and the best way to do that is to engage in meditation to cultivate the inner observer. I'm not singling you out by any means; this is something everyone on a spiritual path struggles with. When we get beyond ego, we naturally experience feelings of peace, love and unity with All That Is. We are also more focused on how others feel and how we can uplift them than we are on how happy we are ourselves. (Ironically, the less we worry about our own happiness, the happier we tend to get.)

One thing all egos long for is to feel somehow more special than other people, which is why you got excited to learn that you have a "profound" colored aura. Your ego is also what has you feeling like life has somehow been unfair to you. Feeling sorry for yourself will keep you stuck in a low, unhappy vibration, where feeling grateful will shoot your vibration through the roof. In general, identifying with the ego is what keeps us all on an emotional roller coaster, sometimes feeling like we're better than the people around us and sometimes feeling inferior or lacking.

No one is more special, profound, spiritual or divine than anyone else, and everyone has challenges. If you want to feel good, you must simply look for the good in yourself, in others, and in every situation. You must also cultivate gratitude for your unique journey despite how unfair or inadequate it may seem sometimes. The bottom line is that everyone on the planet can find a reason to feel unfairly singled out for special challenges, but how we feel about our lives and ourselves is always a matter of what we focus on and how we interpret our experiences.

I'm not saying any of this to make you feel bad – far from it! I want you to recognize that what you consider to be your cross to bear is at the very heart of the special beauty that makes you who you are. The experience of feeling different from others will lead you to develop understanding and compassion, which will empower you to help people who feel the same way you do for various reasons. Everyone feels like you do sometimes, and one of the most powerful steps you can take toward healing your own discomfort is to begin to seek out people who feel this way and try to make them feel better. We get what we give in life, so when we stop asking Why me? and we start asking How can I give others what I desire? things naturally turn around for us.

You're very young and are still in the process of finding your calling. One of the best ways to do that is to stop resisting your personal challenges and start embracing them as the very signs and blessings you are looking for. Instead of wishing things were different somehow, trust that everything is perfect and look for the higher meaning behind your life story. Examine the things about your journey that seem to challenge you the most or seem unfair, and then look for the gold in those most difficult aspects of your life. That is where your special strengths, gifts and wisdom are awaiting your discovery. Your power lies not in the places that feel good and fit just right, but in those places that stretch you to reach for new peace and understanding.

You are the way you are for a good reason, and every challenge you experience is designed to draw you into more of your divine potential. You are beautiful the way you are, and your life is always just perfect for you. To feel better, you must trust that this is true, and also look for how your unique make-up is calling you to learn important lessons and fulfill a higher purpose.

I can recommend some ways to find your own community, but I must emphasize that your own heart will lead you every step of the way if you let it. First, get very clear about the love, acceptance and understanding you are hoping to give and receive, and then ask the Universe to guide you to fulfillment. People will join you on your journey when they have what you need and/or when you can give them what they need, and they will wander off when the time has come for you to go your separate ways.

What feels good to me may not be a match for you, but there's no harm in checking things out. I have found gaia.com to have a really nice vibration and lots to offer. I also like the Abraham-Hicks group at Yahoo, which is all about working with the law of attraction. There is a Yahoo group for just about anything you're interested in, so check out your options.

The main thing is to trust yourself and follow your bliss, so let your own interests guide you. When a group feels good or piques your interest, that's a sign from your inner knowing that it has something to offer you. When it starts to bore you or turn you off, it's time to move on.

The internet is also a great way to meet kindred spirits in your own backyard. You might try meetup.com to search your local area for groups that share your interests. When I searched for terms like law of attraction, spirituality, metaphysics and personal growth, I came up with lots of interesting possibilities.

As for training, I highly recommend the school I attended, The School of Spiritual Healing and Prophecy, which is located in Western New York state. It offers a number of different programs and people travel from all over the U.S. to attend. If that's not an option for you, I always advise people who want to develop their intuitive abilities to find a local Spiritualist Church, for there you'll find a minister who can mentor you and a development circle full of kindred spirits with whom to learn and grow.

- Julia

For the latest column, check out this week's edition of Kajama.

MuseNet Home Page

MuseNet Readings Information Page

MuseNet Library

email me