Dear Julia:

I have never been comfortable with being psychic, and have tried to cut myself off from having visions. I am now afraid that I will miss something important because of my reticence. While I have grown in some ways, my visions of things happening in other people's lives are always painful to myself as well. For example, when I was a child, I awoke one Sunday morning and felt an urgent need to go to our neighbor's house. I had to convince my mother to go over there. When we got there, the man was badly hurt and dying! I was so twisted up with grief and shock that I have never felt comfortable with my gift. I've tried to get more comfortable by tapping into what is going to happen, but I never have precognitive visions, only awareness of what is happening in that moment. Is there something I can do to make this hurt less when it happens?
- Jessica

Dear Jessica:

Fear is entirely normal when psychic abilities are first opening. Any time there is great need (as with the life and death matter you describe), instead of whispering, our intuition will scream out to us. Many first psychic experiences are thus very dramatic and involve danger or suffering of some kind, which can create negative psychic associations in one's belief system.

Of course, it doesn't help that culturally, we're steeped in negative beliefs about paranormal experiences from birth. From scary movies about ghosts to religions that condemn all such things as "evil," we have to do a lot of independent thinking to approach this realm of experience with not only an open mind, but also positive expectations. Since what we expect is generally what we manifest, people who are scared and nervous to begin with tend to have scary experiences, which of course only cements their beliefs and expectations that psychic matters are something to fear.

Since pushing against fear and telling ourselves not to be scared doesn't generally work, we have to start by making peace with our fear, and the best way I know to do that is to appreciate it. Fear protects us! Those who are afraid of psychic experiences are generally not ready for them, and their fear is preventing them from getting in over their heads.

The fact that you wrote to me about this, however, suggests that you're ready to leave that behind and embrace a new reality, belief system, and level of experience. The way to do that is to take up a conscious path of spiritual growth. The ideal psychic development path is one in which psychic abilities are not the aim, but rather take shape as a side effect of spiritual growth.

For most people, this all begins with some kind of "awakening" experience. This may be traumatic, as with the loss of a loved one, the end of a marriage, or some other kind of "hitting bottom" experience. This launches them on a quest for understanding. It may motivate them to read many books, explore different religions/churches, take classes, meditate, etc. Some people who are "awakened" this way have paranormal experiences at the time of awakening, since those are times of great need. This blows their realities open, and forces them to acknowledge that many things are "possible" that they never considered possible before.

This is what happened to me. My first love died young, and there were so many incredible experiences surrounding this death that my mind was just blown. I began to question everything in life, to pursue growth and understanding, and to further develop my own psychic abilities.

Other times, people are so freaked out by their own awakening experience and its associated psychic elements that they bury their heads in the sand and basically tell the Universe to wake them up when it's all over. Instead of exploring more psychic experiences to develop greater understanding and thus heal their fear, these folks remain afraid.

The key to healing such fear is to move THROUGH it, not avoid it. Psychic experiences are only scary when we feel we can't control them and we don't understand them. I recommend you begin to study psychic matters and undertake conscious spiritual growth to develop deep knowing that there is nothing scary about being psychic. It's entirely normal; in fact, it's a key survival instinct! This is really reassuring. As you undertake purposeful psychic development, you will gain more and more control over your abilities, which means more confidence and less fear.

I recommend you start by going back and revising your interpretation and your feelings about what happened with your neighbor. He was going to be in that situation anyway; it's amazing and wonderful that you were sent to help! If you can find gratitude for this experience, your whole psychic landscape will begin to grow brighter. Doesn't it warm your heart and spirit to know that some spiritual force is trying to help people through you?

At the same time, you don't have to accept and expect gut-wrenching psychic experiences all the time, or even ever again. If you don't want upsetting experiences anymore, you can manifest more pleasant ones, but you have to change your overall vibration via conscious spiritual growth and development. The more you dwell in love and light in your daily experiences and focus on the positive with faith and peace, the more you will have psychic experiences that match those feelings. When you begin to look for and find the beauty in everything and everyone, your psychic experiences will also become beautiful.

Further, as you undertake deliberate psychic development, you'll learn how to tune in to the psychic wavelength you want to experience, and how to set your own tone in life. I don't do missing persons work or help the police solve crimes. It's not that I don't believe that this is an honorable path; heaven knows there is a need. I just know that I can't handle dwelling at the low vibratory level of the criminal mind.

To shift toward a higher quality of psychic experience, start to fill your world with love, light and beauty. Read books that are spiritual and help you to find the gifts in everything in life. Make your home soothing and comforting. Avoid all negative thought inducers like the news, mean people, etc. Meditate. As you meditate, affirm to Spirit:

I trust that whatever life sends me is perfect for me at that moment, and that I am perfectly suited for whatever situations arise. As I give thanks for the endless magic and beauty in my life, I attract psychic experiences that are uplifting, healing, comforting and reassuring. I am made aware of only those things I truly need to know, and only those things that will uplift and empower myself or others. (Please adapt this according to your desires.)

Now visualize yourself with a "psychic aha!" and imagine yourself feeling radiant, positive, hopeful, happy and upbeat. It's best to start light, since you want pleasant experiences. Visualize things like winning contests and tuning in to opportunities and social connections by following your intuition. Visualize happy experiences like tapping into sales on things you need, great surprises heading your way, etc. As you begin to associate happy feelings with psychic ability, you will attract more and more positive experiences.

You'll also be consciously setting your own tone in life, and will become more resilient. People who are very sensitive tend to take on others' emotions. Instead of allowing your "heart to go out" to people, you'll be able to be compassionate and helpful while remaining centered in your own well-being. You'll then be able to deal with heavier matters and bigger problems without losing your own sense of faith and peace.

- Julia