Grief Destroyed Her Faith and Psychic Abilities
by
Julia Melges-Brenner. Copyright Sabrina Scott, Inc. All rights
reserved. Written for and originally published in Kajama.
Dear
Julia:
My husband died in
September, 2005, by suicide. I was very different then - very positive
and open to psychic communication. Since his death, I've been
completely shut down and not open at all. I always felt a sense of
higher purpose, and am wondering what the higher purpose behind this
experience could possibly be. I used to be able to find the positive in
every situation, but not this one. I'm wondering if my gifts will ever
come back, and why I've had no communication with him. I was able to
communicate with spirits before he died; now I'm unable to communicate
at all. I fear I'll never have a light heart again. I've shut out the
world, as it just doesn't fit anymore or I just don't fit in it. Our
relationship was very beautiful. Even though he suffered from
depression, his suicide was a complete shock. Please help.
Chelle
Dear Chelle:
My heart goes out to you. In my own experience, the loss of faith in a
higher plan is much harder to endure than the death of a lover, so I
can only imagine the pain you must be in as you struggle through this
dark night of the soul. While I believe there's a good reason for
everything, suicide may be the one exception to that rule. While much
depends on the reason for taking one's own life (and I can think of
some valid reasons for doing so), when people commit suicide to escape
personal emotional pain, they are breaking with the higher plan for
that lifetime.
When people commit suicide, it's because they've completely exhausted
their inner resources and have been unable to come up with any other
answer. I don't want to trivialize life, but when we view it from the
eternal perspective of Spirit, life is a bit like a brilliant virtual
reality video game that we enter into just for the experience of it. As
we overcome all sorts of interesting challenges, we move to higher
levels. Sometimes, people get backed into a corner and they can't find
their way out. While the other characters in the game can see options,
from where they're standing, they seem to be doomed. When they're
exhausted from fighting their way to where they are and continuing on
seems hopeless, sometimes people give up.
Though those of us still playing the game miss them greatly, people who
give up do gain something: they get the chance to start over. Just as
would happen in a video game, they have to go back and start from the
beginning and work their way forward again, but this time they've been
through those levels before so they know a lot more about how to get
where they are trying to go. The next time is thus a bit easier for
them, and eventually they overcome their challenges and move on to a
higher level of experience.
Though it's understandably puzzling and disconcerting to you, it's
clear to me why your psychic senses have failed you and why you've not
had communication from your departed husband. Your husband committing
suicide was a profound shock to all levels of your being. It shattered
your faith and attached a huge anchor to your vibration. All the
spiritual things you used to be able to perceive are still there;
you're just in a different psychic space from them now. As you sank
into grief and despair and endlessly questioned how this could happen
in a benevolent Universe, you disconnected from the spiritual beauty
and magic you used to experience, and built an energetic wall around
your aura out of a natural desire to try to protect yourself from
further emotional pain.
In addition to this, suicides tend to be very hard if not impossible to
contact in the afterlife. They were stuck in inner darkness when they
were living, and they tend to remain in a similar state on the other
side. They felt hopeless and powerless about everyday life when living,
and they tend to have a hard time making things happen in the afterlife
too - especially things that require tremendous, passionate effort like
inter-dimensional communication.
The point of all of this is that what you are experiencing is normal
and doesn't negate the reality of life after death or the possibility
of spirit communication.
I'm reminded of the long recovery I struggled with after some major
surgery, and how I felt like I would never be the same again. It took
my body almost a full year to heal, and for months I feared I'd never
feel normal again. You're in the midst of the biggest healing process
ever, my friend. It may seem like you'll never feel good again, but
you'll heal eventually. It's just going to take some time.
While your desire to connect with your husband first and foremost is
natural, striving for it is probably counter-productive at this point.
It would be better to focus on reconnecting with the Divine and
rebuilding your faith in general, for this will empower you to create
all the other experiences you want in your life, and reawaken your
psychic gifts.
When I step into your vibration, I feel a big wall of shock and grief
around you that won't let anything in. To move toward healing, you
might seek help from a spiritual healer or hypnotherapist. By moving
past the conscious mind and bringing the soul to the forefront, you can
initiate deep healing and reconnect those fragmented parts of your
inner being that were shattered into pieces when this happened. It's
like your telephone to Spirit has been broken to bits and the line has
been cut; it's no wonder you're not hearing anything from the Spirit
world. You have to put yourself back together again in order to reclaim
those spiritual gifts you used to use with such ease.
With this in mind, I recommend you put connecting with your husband to
the side for now, and focus on working through this crisis of faith by
reconnecting with the Divine. Seek healing and personal guidance from
your guides and angels. Begin in pleasant, simple ways like asking for
signs on how to heal and move forward. Focus on raising your vibration
and manifesting experiences designed to renew your faith in a higher
plan.
You're currently in a common Catch-22: your faith has left you, and so
have the sorts of experiences that tend to build faith. As we see what
we believe, you must find ways to summon faith-inducing experiences
from Spirit in order to build your faith back up so you can experience
even more powerful faith-inducing experiences. Since there is so much
pain surrounding your husband's death, it would be wise to work toward
this by focusing on your personal relationship to Spirit and areas of
your life that you can separate from this tragedy. For example, you
might ask for signs on where to vacation, what to do about a job
dilemma, or how to find new friends. As you receive answers to your
prayers, your faith will grow and spread into other areas of your life.
Finally, how we respond to what happens to us determines the quality of
our experiences in life. Hopefully, you've learned from this tragedy
that it's never a good idea to just give up. The choice before you now
is similar to the choice your husband faced when he took his own life:
If you give up on faith and ever feeling good again, you succumb to
despair as he did. Don't give up!
The first step is to sincerely pray to be led to peace and healing.
This will launch you on a magical journey wherein signs, impulses,
messages and synchroniticies will guide you in putting the pieces of
your heart and soul back together. Soon, everywhere you look you will
see the Divine at work in your life. Then one day, you will realize
that your heart feels light again, and that is when your psychic gifts
will return.
-
Julia
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