Developing a Relationship with a Discarnate Lover
by
Julia Melges-Brenner. Copyright Sabrina Scott, Inc. All rights
reserved. Written for and originally published in Kajama.
Dear
Julia:
I've been communicating
with a loved one on the other side. We had a strong physical attraction
while he living, but it was never fulfilled because he was murdered. He
has visited me in my dreams ever since his passing, always giving me
messages of comfort and unconditional love. He helped me overcome the
suffering of his death, and in turn, I offer him peace prayers and
wishes. I never command his communication or presence in a possessive
way; I want him to feel at peace and always let him know that whatever
he decides about our communication is okay with me. He does have a
message for his family, and we are trying to figure out a way to
communicate it. I always tell my loved ones and spirit guides to come
to me in my dreams at night. My friend knows that I'm interested in
experimenting with interacting with him on the other side if he's
willing. One day, I felt an energetic presence touch my arm as has
happened many other times, but this time it lasted for quite a while.
That night I went to sleep and thought of my loved one. I felt his
physical arm, which felt real yet subtle. That night I thought of him
and felt an energy or presence down my leg on the same side as the
touch. It traveled from down my leg to my head, where I felt an
acceleration of my awareness. The energy made the atmosphere feel
different, like I was in a void of energy. This made me feel scared and
confused. I tried to give myself up to the experience, but I couldn't.
The energy dissipated as if it couldn't hold on any longer. Was this
him or another spirit trying to make me feel its presence? Any insights
would be highly appreciated!
Kathy
Dear Kathy:
I chose your question because it reflects a fascinating arena of
experience that most people don't even know is possible. I'm referring
to the idea that we can have ongoing relationships with people who have
"died." Over the years I've heard from many people who have maintained
a satisfying relationship with a spouse or lover who left this world.
Some of them just have regular "conversations" with these spirits, but
others actually have satisfying sexual encounters either in the astral
world or in this world with the spirit visiting them in astral form.
This sex is not identical to physical sex; it's more of an energetic
experience. However, most people describe it as being an ecstatic
experience that far surpasses anything they have ever experienced on a
physical level.
I think it's wonderful that you managed not only to continue your
connection but to deepen it after your friend left this world. It
sounds like this has been a wholly positive relationship given the
quality of your interactions. I also think you display a wise and truly
loving attitude toward all of this in terms of your desire for him to
do whatever is best for him whether that means he is able to continue
with these visits or not.
I do need to encourage everyone reading this to practice discernment
when exploring such otherworldly relationships. While your experiences
with this man sound wholly positive, it's easy for astral beings to
cloak themselves in other forms and misrepresent their true identities
in order to gain our trust so that they can take advantage of us. The
best barometer we have for evaluating the true nature of a spirit is
how that spirit makes us feel. While I don't sense this is what
happened in your case, it's possible to develop a positive relationship
with a certain being in Spirit and to have lower astral entities later
try to take advantage of us by pretending to be that spirit.
For example, I recently counseled a woman who had developed the ability
to regularly communicate with her departed father. All was well until
she began to have some problems in her waking life that stressed her
out and lowered her vibration. Right around this time, she had an
encounter with her father that was very different from her prior
experiences. During that encounter, he warned her about all sorts of
terrible things and urged her to take some actions that were not in
harmony with her higher values.
When she wrote to me for advice, I asked Spirit what was going on, and
was shown that this last encounter was not with her father at all, but
with a different spirit that was pretending to be her father. When her
vibration had dipped due to the stress in her life, she moved out of
range with connecting with her father and into a range where she was
vulnerable to this "psychic attack."
My point is that we must all be very mindful to maintain a high
personal vibration when interacting with beings from other worlds. (Of
course, we are wise to maintain a high vibration no matter what we're
doing.) Further, if we have an ongoing relationship with a loved one
who has left this world or a spirit guide or any other metaphysical
being, and suddenly that being seems different or leaves us with bad
feelings, it's highly likely that we are dealing with some sort of
impostor.
One way to prevent this from happening is to set very clear, mindful
intentions. This goes hand in hand with maintaining a high vibration,
for the more conscious we are of our own energy and what we are trying
to create in our lives, the more power we have to manifest a positive
experience. You mention that you open up to spirit communication every
night when you go to bed. You may want to put some parameters on what
you're open to and purposefully ask for the sort of experience or
interaction you desire.
You can also do a great deal to further this relationship with your
friend in Spirit when you're awake and in greater conscious control of
what happens. For example, you can work on developing your
relationships with your spirit guides and set up a formal agreement
with them that they will watch over you and prevent any negative beings
from messing with you. Our guides and angels are always there for us,
but they won't force their help upon us – we have to ask for it.
You can also work on the level of your "imagination" to align with the
sort of experience you'd like to have. One powerful way to further this
relationship is to write your friend letters in which you convey your
feelings for him as well as the sorts of experiences you'd like to have
with him. You can place these letters in a special box that you devote
to him or you can burn them and visualize your sentiments traveling to
him in the smoke from the letters. If there are ashes left over, you
might collect them in a little box and place it under your bed. This
would be a great ritual to undertake before you go to bed or whenever
you hope to manifest a loving experience with him.
You can also do various things to raise your vibration before you go to
bed, and engage in some guided meditation to connect with him before
you lose full conscious awareness. Perhaps the most loving, empowering
thing you can do is learn how to astral project. During the experience
that freaked you out, it sounds like your friend was trying to get you
to meet him halfway between this world and his dimension. If you become
adept at astral projection, you'll make it much easier for him and gain
access to all sorts of wonderful new experiences.
Julia
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