Dear Julia:

I want to take your recent advice about manifesting a soul mate, but first, I feel I need to "get over" someone else. I understand that relationships teach us so much - that we better ourselves and learn more and more what we're really looking for in life and love through them. I have a very open heart, and I want to fall in love so badly, but it seems like I meet a man, we click, and it's great, but then when it dissolves, I'm left wondering if I let something really special go, if I missed an opportunity. It seems like it takes me forever to get over failed relationships. It's so sad to me that the relationship had to dissolve at all. How do I embrace new love while I'm still feeling sad for the relationship that is ending?
- Scotty

Dear Scotty:

Please don't try to manifest new love while you're still grieving for a relationship that is ending. The loss of a significant relationship is a change that needs to be honored. Allow yourself to feel sad and to grieve for it.

You need time to reclaim your energy, to begin to feel whole in yourself again, or you won't really be free to love another again anyway. When we connect deeply with someone, we form a literal energetic bond to them. Not only do we have biochemical reactions that make us want to stick close to our "mates," but we also create energetic links to them that are never wholly broken. The more energy we send that person's way, the stronger that link becomes, and thus the harder it is to break.

If we rush the grieving process, we set ourselves up to go from relationship to relationship, because we entered in before we were really ready. It's a bit like having a knee injury and being impatient to start running again. If we get out there too soon, we'll have trouble, and end up eventually re-injuring the knee and having to start over. Some things just take time. Be patient with yourself.

When you're nearing the end of the healing/ grieving process, you'll start to feel impatient with it all - bored with grieving. You'll start to feel new hope for new love. This is when it's time to get busy. The most practical way is to begin with the physical, since it's easier to perform simple tasks than to figure out esoteric matters such as how to open our heart chakras.

You need to get all the old, dead, obsolete energy moving out of your life, so that new, fresh energy can move in. The first thing I'd do is get moving physically. Join a gym, take a class, take up martial arts or yoga, or get out and walk every day. Push yourself physically. You need to blow the energetic cobwebs out of your whole being.

Also, feng shui has worked miracles for folks who want to manifest new love. This is not so much about putting pairs of things in the bedroom, as it is about facilitating a paradigm shift, a transformation in your outlook and energy. Get rid of all the "stuff" that keeps you stuck in the past. If the one you're trying to get over gave you gifts that are on display in your home or office, get rid of them. You may be tempted to store them away as "keepsakes," but this just belies the fact that you're still holding on. Besides, what will your new soul mate think of this stuff? You're getting ready for bigger love than you've ever known before - make room for it in your life. While we're still focused on the physical, you can further shake things up by changing your hairstyle, clearing out your wardrobe and making over your image, or painting/ redecorating your house.

On an emotional level, you can begin to move forward by reading self-help books, watching romantic/ inspiring movies, taking a new class and making new friends, or joining a club. Again, you want to open up to new energy (and you never know, you may meet someone while you're out and about!) So many people complain that they can't find love, yet they aren't doing a fraction of the things they could be doing to meet someone new.

Spiritually, stay on top of your game. Meditate, go to church, practice your yoga - whatever it is you know you need to do to remain centered, confident, calm and optimistic. Then, when the Moon is waning, you can try a little ritual to "seal the deal" and launch yourself on a new romantic journey.

First, sit down and write out the story of this relationship: what you gained from it, what you feel you've lost, how you feel now, etc. Pour it all out on paper, then pick an evening when the Moon is waning and you're feeling good about yourself, and gather the following: one white candle and one red candle, matches, a big cooking pot, and your story. You can of course incorporate other traditional tools, if you're accustomed to performing such rituals, such as representations of the four elements, a wand, etc. If you know how, cast a circle. If not, don't worry. This is not about the details so much as the energy you put into it.

Sit in the middle of the floor of the room with your tools around you. (If you can do it outside, all the better). Say a little prayer: "Mother/ Father God, angels and guides, benevolent forces of love and light, come lift my heart of all burdens, and help me to open to new passion, love and joy. I give thanks for your help in launching this inspired new beginning!"

Light the white candle. Take a moment to center your awareness in your heart chakra, and to affirm that we are ever naturally healing, growing and changing. Say aloud, "I know that every time one door closes, another one opens. I give thanks, for I know that even now, I am being led to something greater in love than I have enjoyed in the past." CAREFULLY light your story in the flame of the white candle, and drop it into the big cooking pot to let it burn. While it's burning, say aloud, "I now release all that has gone before, that I might open to new love and happiness. I clear away the past to make room in my life for a bigger, brighter future. As I let the past go, I feel light and free, full of hope, and ready to start anew!"

Visualize an energetic cord between your heart and the heart of the one you're missing, and see it shrinking down to a tiny little invisible thread. When the story has burned to ash, blow out the white candle and meditate for a few minutes, paying particular attention to any sensations in the area of the heart. You will likely feel a "stirring" feeling. This is divine healing taking place. You may even sense divine beings at work, healing your heart.

When this feels complete, open your eyes and light the red candle. Cup your hands around the flame, just feeling its heat, and affirm, "Though I cannot see the flame touching my hand, I can nevertheless feel its heat. There is much that can't be seen in this world that is similarly real. Just as I can't see new love on its way to me, I know that it too is real and near, and I can feel its energy warming my heart and spirit. I now move toward greater love than I have ever known before. And so it is!"

Give thanks to any beings you feel have aided you in your healing ritual, blow out the red candle, put your things away, and do something to make yourself feel fabulous. Take a long bath, paint your toenails, go for a walk or a run.

This may all sound really hokey, but rituals are powerful tools in that they give us a format for aligning our energy with what we desire. It's not about the color of the candles or the exact words you use: it's about the energetic shift that takes place within, and how this will kick-start positive change in your life. Consciously embrace healing; consciously embrace new love - and you will free yourself of the past and leap toward new passion and romance!

- Julia