Dear Julia:

How can I help my deceased husband's spirit cross over? I have done a lot of research and it appears that his spirit is unsettled. I see him; I feel him touch me; I feel his presence when he is standing over me while I'm trying to fall asleep. Now words are appearing that I can't see clearly enough to determine his message. The intensity is getting stronger and more frequent. Please help me. What do you suggest I do to help his spirit and understand what he is trying to tell me?

C.

Dear C.:

You didn't mention when your husband died. I'm assuming this happened fairly recently, within the past year or so. Regardless, we remain connected to our loved ones in Spirit forever; they are just a thought/prayer away. So having contact with your departed husband doesn't necessarily mean that he hasn't crossed over or that he wants to communicate anything in particular beyond his love and desire for you to be at peace with his passing.
 
Since you're concerned about him, most likely he is trying to tell you that he is fine. There is a huge difference between ghosts or earthbound spirits and the loved ones who reach out to comfort us from Spirit. So you may have things backwards: instead of helping him to cross over, what he may need most is for you to stop worrying about him.

Many people have encounters with departed loved ones like those you describe. This is especially common when a life partner, parent or child passes, for these relationships involve very strong bonds of love that keep our spirits close even when one of us is in another dimension.

In my experience, 95% of the time spirits just want to convey their love and comfort family members here in the physical, but sometimes they do have something else to say. Perhaps the most pressing messages involve situations where justice hasn't been served somehow. For example, in cases of murder, spirits often want to see their murderer convicted. If there is some upset between family members that relates to a spirit's death or estate, the spirit may attempt to help everyone find peace. This is never about money or other material goods, of course; it's about wanting their loved ones to be happy and in harmony with each other.

Often there are things that go missing when someone dies, and sometimes spirits will try to help us find what we're looking for, especially when they are the only ones who would know. These days, one of the most important things lost when someone dies is their passwords to email accounts, bank accounts and the like, so we'd all be wise to put pertinent information like this in a safe place where it can be found should we suddenly leave this world.

Similarly, when someone leaves unfinished business, their spirit may attempt to resolve that business from the other side, sometimes by getting surviving loved ones to take some action. I remember a story about a jeweler who was on his way to deliver a very special custom-made engagement ring when he was killed in a car accident. He had hidden the ring in a special compartment in his car, and after he died, he was worried that no one would find it and his customer would be distraught about the ring. He kept trying to get a message through to anyone who would listen regarding the ring's location and the need for it to be delivered. Finally, the family consulted a medium, who saw the ring in the car's compartment. The car had been towed away, but it was tracked down and the ring was indeed found as described. By checking records at the jewelry store, its owner was determined and the ring was delivered as promised, albeit a little late.

As in the example above, often we don't know what unfinished business a loved one may have left, especially if they died unexpectedly. There may be pressing work obligations to fulfill or emails in the departed's account that need to be answered. Sometimes there are old friends who haven't heard about the spirit's death who need to be told.

In my experience, these messages are never about practical matters; they're about making sure everyone is happy and at peace and fulfilling emotional or ethical obligations. While they can involve practical matters, love is always the driving force behind them. So if we are going crazy trying to find some object, spirits may try to help us not because the object is important to them, but because our peace and happiness means everything.

Sometimes upon crossing over, spirits immediately see the error of their ways and want to apologize for something or make peace with someone. When people cross over after being estranged from loved ones or after taking their own life, they are often determined to apologize for all the pain they caused. This is one of many good reasons why we are wise to make peace with everyone before we leave this world, for it's much easier to do this when we can talk face to face than when we are in separate dimensions.

So receiving visits from a loved one in Spirit doesn't mean that they're not at peace or haven't crossed over. They can visit us whenever they desire or whenever we have a strong need they may be able to fulfill. We can also call them close by thinking of them with love.

If you're worried that a departed loved one isn't at peace, it won't hurt to do all you can to help them. Though the things we can do may seem simple, it's my understanding that our thoughts and prayers have a powerful effect on our loved ones in the afterlife. All we need to do is send them love and forgive them for anything we may be holding against them as well as anything they may feel bad about.

Then we simply let them go with love. Often the grieving will actually pray for spirits to remain with them, saying things like, "I can't believe that you're gone. Don't leave me! Come back to me!" This can keep a spirit from moving on in the afterlife. Instead, tell them that you will miss them but that you will be fine and are looking forward to the time when you can be together again on the same plane. Tell them to go forward and create a wonderful life for themselves wherever they feel called to go, and that you will join them later.

If you want to dialogue with your husband to determine how he is or figure out what he's trying to tell you through these attempts at connection, just get into a feeling state of love, and at this high vibration, communicate on a feeling level. Reach out with your heart and ask if he is at peace, and then pay very careful attention to what you feel in response.

The key is to make sure you are soaring in vibration first, and to pay attention to even the subtlest impressions. Initially, you may just have a feeling creep in, but if you stay quiet and keep paying attention without constantly doubting what you're getting, you may begin to see images in your mind or hear thoughts come into your head in response. The more you work with this, the more you'll be able to consciously communicate with him.

Finally, it's important to realize that, just as many of us are fascinated by spirit communication, spirits can make something of a hobby out of showing us that they still exist. When we're curious or have questions, they may try to answer them, and when they know we're wondering if there really is life after death, they may devote themselves to giving us signs and visits just so we know that life really does go on when we leave this world.

- Julia

For the latest column, check out this week's edition of Kajama.

MuseNet Home Page

MuseNet Readings Information Page

MuseNet Library

email me