Dear Julia: A year ago I met a psychic who is pretty well known locally. Via her newsletter, she had asked for volunteers to be guests on her local cable show. I liked her book and offered to volunteer. Prior to taping the show, we were talking about our goals, and I made a suggestion about some media publicity (I often get such intuitions for people). She seemed really excited. I then offered to locate a name and address for her because she seemed so busy. She was very grateful. When I got home, I sent her an e-mail confirming my promise and asked if any other help was needed. I then got busy, and it was a couple of days before I could get back to her with the information. When I did, I found she had blocked my e-mail address. For some reason she did not want me to contact her any further. I was confused. I ended up sending her all the promised info via my daughter's e-mail. I expressed confusion over the block, but assured her I would not contact her again if that was her wish. I never heard from her again. Recently, I got to know another psychic who expressed interest in meeting for coffee. We've twice made plans only to have her back out or not call. What gives? Do these psychics know something bad about me that I don't? I think I'm a decent, caring person, and I do not pressure anyone to be my friend. I feel hurt. Thanks.
- Emma

Dear Emma:

My feelings are hurt FOR you! This behavior is just plain rude, regardless of why they're acting that way.

I too am always knocking myself out trying to help other people, and that same quality of concern and care rarely comes back to me. It's tough to be an exceptionally kind-hearted person in the real world. You clearly have a choice to make: do you give up on being your best self, or do you keep being nice but grow a bit more cynical/ realistic in your expectations of others? I recommend the latter: give without expectation of receiving anything in return. Learn to act on a kind impulse for its own sake, without caring if your kindness is accepted, appreciated or returned.

I do feel that you are a kind and caring person, but I also feel that you are looking for something in these psychics above and beyond ordinary friendship, and this you have in common with a lot of other people. I'm going to try to explain how being psychic tends to affect one's social life so that you can stop taking this rejection personally. Please note that I am NOT trying to speak for all psychics here; I'm just offering my observations based on my own life and the lives of many of the psychics I know well.

In general, psychics are gentle, sensitive people who don't live wild social lives. They are constantly interacting with people in very intense ways, and they need time to re-center and reconnect with Spirit. Being highly sensitive means they're easily overwhelmed by too much stimuli, so they have to guard their time and space.

In addition, psychics tend to be highly in demand because they make GREAT friends. They know what you want and need without you telling them; give perfect gifts; call just when you need them; know when to leave you alone; are great listeners; are good-hearted and compassionate; are full of wisdom, insights and wonderful advice; radiate love and light and inner beauty.

On top of needing peace and being highly in demand as friends, they also tend to be VERY busy. Their work usually comes first because this is not just a job, it's a divine calling. Psychics are givers. It is their nature to help by volunteering at church and school, contributing to charity functions, rescuing stray pets, adopting needy children, etc. Their families, partners and friends lean on them emotionally. Their clients sometimes have crises that demand their immediate attention, and throughout all of this they may have "fans" trying to get a piece of them as well.

Some of those fans just want to express their appreciation for their work (bless your hearts, I love to hear from you!), but others are interested in what the psychic represents for them personally. They may mistake the specific person for the light and spirit they so desperately need, and become obsessed with the "fix" they hope the psychic can give them.

Other perfectly nice, normal people just think it would be fun or cool to have a psychic friend in their lives. While they may have lots to offer, many psychics are too busy doing the work of Spirit in the world to play with everyone who might get a kick out of it. While psychics need good friends just like anyone else, people who specifically seek psychics as pals want something from them above and beyond just friendship, and psychics know that. We run from it because that's not friendship - it's yet another drain on our time and energy when we're already tapped out.

Years ago I had an experience that illustrates this all too common scenario. One day I got an email from an old man in Israel who admired my work and had decided I was worthy of his help/tutelage. While I had not asked for this help, I assumed Spirit was sending me something important via this man, so I thanked him for any wisdom he cared to send my way. After corresponding for a while like this, he asked for my snail mail address so he could send me some old spiritual books and articles.

He sent those along with $150, which he said was a "donation" he felt inspired to make in support of my work. I felt uneasy, but I figured my inability to receive was being stretched, so I decided to just gratefully accept it. He then began sending me long snail mail letters full of questions he wanted me to read psychically for him. He insisted that I reply by snail mail, as he said that the wisdom he was sharing with me was too special and secret to be sent by email (though I saw nothing in them to support this view). For a while I went along, but it took me longer and longer to respond, because to mail something to Israel I had to take an hour out of my packed schedule to go to the endlessly busy post office.

After a few YEARS of snail mail correspondence, I had spent at least 30 hours on this guy, and his $150 "donation" was no longer feeling like some great gift from the Universe. He seemed to think I was on retainer! When I finally got up the nerve to tell him I couldn't correspond anymore if we couldn't write by email, he angrily asked for his "donation" back. I gladly mailed him a check, wished him well, sighed in relief and told myself I would NEVER DO THAT AGAIN.

The point here is that all too often, people approach psychics purportedly to befriend or support them, when they really want so much more than they are communicating or perhaps even conscious of. Many psychics have had this experience so many times they don't even try to tune in when they see this pattern emerging; they react to protect themselves by promptly cutting the person off.

I recommend you honestly ask yourself WHY you want a psychic for a friend. If you want a psychic friend because you would like to have someone "in the know" you can call whenever you're upset, lost or confused, then these psychics are NOT what you're looking for. If you just want nice, interesting new friends and you sincerely don't care if they're psychic or not, then these women are not it either, for they were not nice in ignoring you.

I feel what you really want deep down is to explore psychic development yourself. If you enroll in a circle, group or class, you'll do just that, and you'll also form new friendships with kind-hearted women like you - kindred spirits.

Please don't take this rejection personally, and remember: we are kind to others because we are nice people, not because they are.

- Julia