Dear Julia:

A much-loved friend died unexpectedly in October. Stewart was young, in a loving relationship, and thrilled about the impending birth of his baby when he died. Since his death, I've met him thrice in dreams. Our third encounter, last night, was upsetting because he was anguished about the baby, who had been born and was in the hospital with her mother. I asked him 'What are you doing here?' and he explained that he wanted to get close to the child but was worried about freaking her mother out with his appearance. He looked a bit older and wiser; his hair had grown to shoulder length and he had a few wounds (healing nicely) on his hands. (I remember thinking that he may have acquired these when he collapsed in the street). He asked me to go to the hospital with him and check that mother and child were well while he waited outside, so that's what we did. I found them both to be perfectly well. I didn't tell the mother that Stewart was outside. He was there waiting, and he thanked me after I reassured him that his girls were fine. Then he said he had to go back but didn't want to. I woke immediately after he went and decided to seek your advice, as I'm worried that Stewart hasn't accepted his death and his spirit is earthbound. Could this be the case, and if so, is there anything I can do to help him pass on? Julia, I don't know if my dream encounters with Stewart actually happen on the astral plane, or if they're born of wishful thinking. While I'd miss spending time with Stewart in my dreams, his finding peace matters most. Thank you, Julia!

Sharon

Dear Sharon:

Your question illuminates several classic elements of spirit contact. First, many sensitive people have dreams of the recently departed, and in those dreams, they have involved conversations with spirits that include mention of their passing. Often people who are sensitive don't know they are. The fact that you can remember your dreams in this kind of detail suggests you have a lot of conscious awareness of right brain/subconscious processes, which would make you more adept at things like spirit communication both when you're sleeping and awake.

This experience also illuminates how our loved ones in Spirit will go to great lengths to make sure we're okay. At the same time, however, they don't want to frighten or distress us, which can make things tricky for them. Over the years, I've counseled many people who were deeply grieving but at the same time freaked out about the idea of having direct contact with the spirit their departed loved one. They would both talk to their loved ones in their minds and beg for some sign or message, and at the same time, energetically radiate the truth that the notion of being visited from beyond the grave made them feel very uncomfortable.

It is therefore almost always people who are both sensitive and NOT afraid of spirit contact who receive visits like this one. Further, it is often people who aren't destroyed with grief who are visited by spirits because grief lowers our vibration beyond the level where conscious spirit communication is possible. In fact, to achieve vibrational harmony with the spirit realms in order to have conscious contact with a loved one who has crossed over, we have to be in a very high state and thus relatively at peace in our lives.

This 'dream' definitely sounds like an astral encounter with his spirit to me. The main thing I look for in such experiences is awareness that this person is supposed to be dead and surprise at seeing them again. So if you meet someone who has died in a dream, and you are confused as to how they could be there since they are supposed to be dead, you can be pretty sure you are meeting this person in the astral. Stewart even expressed concern that he could freak his wife out by appearing, which further reinforces my interpretation.

It doesn't sound like he is earthbound, however. Earthbound spirits tend to not know that they have died, or they may seem lost and confused, in search of guidance and help from the living. They also don't tend to change (and heal) as you described, since they are stuck in limbo. It sounds like Stewart was well aware of what was going on and had a smart plan for how to check on his girls. Further, his saying that he had to 'go back' makes it sound like he has crossed over and has figured out how to cross back in order to visit the living, as he did with you through your dream.

It is true that some spirits know that they are dead yet still want to hang around to make sure that their loved ones are okay. This can include wanting to get a message to their loved ones and perhaps waiting for the right time to do that, so he may be waiting until he feels his lover can handle a personal visit, or hoping that you will help him deliver the message since you seem to be psychically open.

There are things you can do to both help him find peace and to find peace yourself with this strange but fascinating pattern of events.

Since you seem to be adept at working with your dreams, you can program yourself to dream of him at night and ask for a dream that leads you to clarity about how he is doing and how you can help him. If this proves tricky, you could research and work with techniques for developing the ability to lucid dream and/or astral project. There are many people who explore the astral realms with the intention of helping troubled spirits; in fact, it sounds like this is something you would be well-suited for.

Next, you can begin to open up to subtle psychic energies on a more conscious level. I'm basically talking about learning how to connect and communicate with spirits when you're awake but in an altered state of consciousness. In the short term, you might hold an object that he treasured and then meditate to send him love. Remember him fondly by focusing on his good traits and the good times you had with him. This should draw him near. You will know he is 'hearing' you and trying to respond by the way you feel. All sorts of things may happen as signs at this point, but the one thing you need to pay attention to and trust is how you feel. If you feel he is present at this point, then he is.

When you feel him draw near, have a mental conversation with him. Ask him whatever questions you have, and ask him how you can help him. Trust whatever comes to you. If you set a very high healing intention for this meditation, you can trust your intuition to guide you to the right things to say and do. Our prayers are powerful, especially when it comes to helping those who are no longer physical, for as energetic beings, they are directly influenced by the energy of our loving intentions. You can always send him love and also pray for guides and angels to help him.

In terms of the long-term, I recommend you find a local Spiritualist church, for there you'll find a medium who can mentor you and a development circle through which to cultivate your spirit communication abilities. This is also a great place to find a medium who can serve as an intermediary between you and Stewart to help you make sure you've done all you can for your beloved friend.

Finally, it may be that Stewart is hoping you will tell his lover about your dreams, and in this way, show her that he is okay and checking in on her without 'freaking her out.' I know that this may seem unnerving because you don't know how she will react, but it may also be the most powerful act of love you ever do for your friend.

- Julia