Dear Julia:

I just read your column about how spirits watch over us and will plant suggestions in our minds as well as the minds of others in an attempt to help and guide us. It left me wondering if "mind control" is possible for those of us who are living. I mean, is it possible for one person to control or influence another person through mental (or other) power, just like spirits do?

- Dan

Dear Dan:

I believe that "mind control" is not only possible, it's happening to most of us on a daily basis. If you've ever seen someone hypnotized, you know that it's possible for someone with great skill and focus to "mesmerize" another person into doing what they say. This is an unusual level of control, but we are constantly being mentally influenced in both obvious and subtle ways.

When we are seduced by a sales pitch or slick magazine ad, we're being influenced. When we find a catchy jingle running through our heads, we're being influenced. When we find ourselves caving in to someone's persistent wheedling, we're being influenced.

Just as natural born leaders and top salespeople are highly "persuasive," people with strong wills or a lot of "charisma" are good at influencing other people to agree with them, follow them, or believe as they do. Whether you realize it or not, you've had others mentally "control" you and you've controlled others the same way. The term "control" here is relative, of course. Every time there is a "battle of wills," at an auric level, the participants are competing for control of the other's decisions or behavior.

My children consider me to be very strong and powerful not because I'm built like Mr. T or threatening in any way, but because I have a very strong will and flat out refuse to compromise on some issues. I know how to focus my willpower. If something is very important to me, I will not give up on it; I will summon whatever it takes to manifest the outcome I believe is best. A very strong, clear desire and total congruency between our aim and our belief system is powerful.

While some people are naturally feistier than others (God bless their parents!), willpower is something that can be developed by stretching ourselves beyond what we believe to be our limits. The more we exercise our wills, the stronger they get. Every time we conquer instant gratification to pursue a conscious goal, our will gets stronger. Every time we push ourselves to do what we believe is right instead of succumbing to temptation, our will gets stronger.

I have played at psychically influencing others a number of times, but only in what I consider to be positive ways. For example, I have "planted" the impulse in people to "be nice" when they might normally be nasty. (It's hard to say what "worked" the times this was successful, however, for the first thing I did was act especially nice myself.)

I have successfully planted the impulse in people to make new efforts at creating positive change in situations and relationships as well. What I learned from these experiences is that it takes a LOT of energy and focus to influence other people to do things they wouldn't normally do. If we're going against their natural inclinations, it will take a lot of personal power and the results won't last. Further, at some level they will feel manipulated, and thus they may choose to "rebel" even if they'd rather do what we want them to anyway.

Basically, we can't change who someone is, but we may be able to influence what they DO now and then - and that may prove valuable. For example, if your father tends to make racist comments and he stops by unexpectedly while you're in a meeting with your minority boss, you may be able to influence your dad to be temporarily polite, but you probably won't be able to change his racist beliefs.

Of course, we must be very mindful about integrity when working at this level, and NEVER do to someone else something our own higher self would not want done to us in the same circumstances. Whether we succeed or not, we generally can't go wrong if our intentions are positive, healing, loving and helpful. If our aims are purely selfish, however, or we're egotistically imposing our beliefs on others, then we're setting ourselves up for some nasty metaphysical repercussions.

Thus if we desire to influence someone, we should check our motivation first. If our intention is purely positive (such as creating peace in a contentious relationship, or guiding a child toward better choices), the wisest and most powerful thing we can do is to love that person. Until we truly have someone's best interests at heart, they will naturally tend to reject whatever impulses or energies we send their way. To "get through" to someone, we have to send them energy that feels good. This will cause them to open up and "allow us in."

This is how leaders gain influence over the people who follow them. At least initially, they truly care for them. As people then come to "believe in them," they allow those leaders to influence both what they do and what they think.

Once we've aligned with love of whomever we're trying to influence, we should simply get very clear about what we desire and visualize that happening. The more we can focus on what we desire as though it is real and MUST come to pass, the more likely we are to succeed, for this creates a vortex that draws other participants into it. If our vortex is strong enough, other people will get sucked into it without even realizing why they are thinking what they are thinking or doing what they are doing. To achieve this sort of power, we have to truly believe what we are doing is the right thing.

Not everyone will share our high moral code, of course, and many people will try to influence us for selfish reasons. They may try to make us loan or give them money, buy something we don't want, sleep with them, do them some favor, allow them to break some rule, etc. While karma will kick in eventually, if we don't want to be mentally "controlled" like this, we have to remain very mindful.

When someone is trying to "control" us, we'll have a telltale feeling of someone or something pulling at us. I usually feel this begin in my solar plexus and sort of draw the rest of me toward a certain direction. I may suddenly bristle and feel irritable or very impatient. For example, when someone is talking and we can't wait to get away from them, it's because we sense they are trying to control us, even if it's just to hold our attention.

The best defense against being "controlled" like this is to remain alert to this feeling, and KNOW YOUR OWN MIND. If you know that you don't want to do what someone else wants you to, their attempts to influence you will roll right off. Being conscious of who you're dealing with and what is happening beneath the surface is also wise and powerful. If a certain friend always worries out loud about money in hopes you'll offer her some, you can be prepared. When she starts in about money, you can remain silent or respond in a pre-planned way, perhaps by saying, "I'm sorry to hear you're having trouble again." This will prevent you from falling under her spell in the moment and perhaps doing something you'll later regret.

When we sense someone "working on us" mentally, we should get very conscious about what we personally want and then throw up a mental shield against outside influences. Instead of preparing for mental warfare, I recommend relaxing and then letting their efforts just roll right off of you.

It's like having someone come up on you from behind with the aim of carrying you off somewhere. If you are oblivious, they may "have you" before you even know what happened. If you are very mindful and alert, however, you will sense them coming and be able to calmly sidestep them and go on your merry way.

- Julia