The Law of Attraction and Conflicting Desires

by Julia Melges-Brenner. Copyright Sabrina Scott, Inc. All rights reserved. Written for and originally published in Kajama.

Dear Julia:

Let's say you want to use the law of attraction to develop a new career but you have gotten very comfortable living the status quo, which is extremely easy and makes you feel safe and protected. Would it be hard to attract a high paying, powerful position that requires bold assertion, the ability to function under lots of stress, multi-tasking and lots of challenges? The two just don't seem to blend well. Would it be impossible to attain a powerful corporate position if you also want peace and tranquility?

C.

Dear C.:

What you're basically asking is what happens metaphysically when we have conflicting desires. It sounds like on one hand, you'd like all the things you believe would come with a powerful position, but on the other hand, you don't want to give up the sense of peace and security you've manifested already. This is the same basic issue that people struggle with when they want a fulfilling relationship but don't want to give up their freedom and independence, or when they want to lose weight and get in shape but they don't want to give up chocolate or exercise regularly.

When we find ourselves stuck in conflicting desires, perhaps the most powerful thing we can do is to examine our beliefs and assumptions. For example, you have assumed that having a high-paying, powerful position means that you will have to deal with lots of stress. That is not necessarily true, since we determine our own stress level by how we interpret and respond to our experiences. You also assume that you would have to be good at multi-tasking, but this isn't necessarily true either; perhaps you could just hire great people and then delegate to them.

Similarly, someone who both wants a big love affair and yet fears the loss of their freedom and independence has limiting beliefs and assumptions at work, for there are endless ways to get what we want. Perhaps the answer for this person is a long distance relationship in which they see their partner for long weekends every few weeks or so. Our friend who wants to lose weight but doesn't want to give up chocolate is also assuming that it's impossible to both eat chocolate and lose weight, which isn't necessarily true either.

So when you're caught up in conflicting desires, stop and ask yourself what limiting beliefs or assumptions are causing you to feel conflicted. Then step back and expand your view by asking what if questions, such as, What if I could have all that I want? For example, what if you could have a powerful, high-paying position that also brought you peace and plenty of relaxation? You don't have to figure out the details; your job at this point is to expand your belief about what is possible and open up to more of the infinite possibilities available to you.

The other thing to consider is the role of fear in all of this, which we find in your desire for comfort and "security." It's fine to crave peace, comfort and relaxation, but the desire for a sense of security raises some red flags. A desire for so-called security is almost always rooted in fear that if you leave what has been established, you may regret it for some reason, or if you embrace a higher level of experience in some way, you may not be able to handle everything that comes with it.

Balancing desire and fear is like a tug of war. If you have any true desire and no fear about not getting what you want, it's easy to manifest whatever you imagine. It's good to start working with the law of attraction by focusing on manifesting things that sound easy and delightful, for then we can manifest what we want quickly. The more we do this, the more faith we build in our power to manifest bigger things.

When we have very strong desire for something, we tend to have strong fear that we won't get it. This is like having two big, brawny guys on each end of a tug of war. Which will win – desire or fear? Since they're well matched, nothing will seem to move until one of them grows stronger than the other for some reason.

You can stoke up your desire by visualizing what you want and vividly imagining how it will feel to get it; this is like feeding your strong man of desire steroids. Conversely, you can work on relaxing into faith that no matter what happens, you'll be fine and happy, which is like giving the strong man of fear a tranquilizer. Either will lead to greater power on the desire end and thus movement toward fulfillment. Dramatic changes metaphysically lead to dramatic changes physically, so working on both ends with focus and devotion tends to yield seemingly magical results.

Of course, it is essential to get clear about what it is that you really want as opposed to what you think you want. Often we get caught up in some specific idea about what want simply because other people seem to want the same thing so much that we assume it must be a great thing to have. We are constantly being influenced by other people, the mass media, the cultures we live in, etc. The more this influence occurs on a subconscious level, the more we may pursue certain things under the assumption that they are what we really want, when in truth, they are simply symbols representing something else. When we react to the world around us instead of acting from the truth in our hearts, we can end up a long way down the wrong road before we realize that we're not as happy as we expected to be. We can also end up very confused and conflicted as our egos latch onto what we think we want while our higher selves tug at us to stop and listen to our hearts so we can figure out what will truly bring us fulfillment.

If you're not sure what you want, it's very helpful to get LESS specific instead of more. If you think you want a <q>powerful, high paying career,</q> why do you want it? What about that idea appeals to you? Do you crave more excitement? Are you bored and longing for a new challenge? Do you really want prestige, or do you just like the idea of wearing expensive, beautiful clothing each day? Maybe you know someone who has a house in the Hamptons who has a powerful, high paying career, and what you really want is not the career but the feelings you associate with having a house in the Hamptons. Maybe you feel a need to prove yourself capable of big success, and what you're really after is validation of your intelligence and competency, which is ultimately a desire to feel better about yourself. Whatever feeling is behind the idea of what you think you want is what you REALLY want, and usually, there are endless ways to get it without compromising your other needs. In fact, the deeper we go in determining what it is we really want, the simpler and easier it becomes to get it.

Hypnotherapy and guided meditation can be very helpful, powerful tools for both determining what we really want and programming our subconscious minds to align with the manifestation of fulfillment. When we get congruent on all levels, we can manifest with speed and power. To be congruent means that our thoughts and plans are in harmony with our deeper nature and the truth in our hearts, and our actions are also in harmony with our conscious intentions. When we are congruent, it's like all of our strength and power is on one side of that tug of war, which means we are free to race toward the manifestation of our desire.

- Julia



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